Jenmar - Really hot Freddy Krueger.

So. The last time I posted was wincon. Since then I have had net issues, computer issues, been sick, had stupid work hours, and then started a new job.

I think I might finally be recovered from the spoon deficit I acquired during the month and a half I worked at Amazon. Usually I can pass for "normal" fairly easily, because I don't walk much or do anything that really stresses my body.

One of the neat, fun things about arthritis is that it makes things like exercising hard, but exercise helps arthritis. Swimming is actually very good for it, because it's exercise without putting weight on your bones, but I am kind of ridiculously top-heavy, so a bathing suit is hard to find and very expensive once you can find one.

My new job is pretty sweet, I make $14.45 an hour to basically dial a phone and read fic. It's actually kind of a boring job, because I call people who have inquired about a particular college and see if they want to set an appointment to tour the campus. This means the vast majority of our job is dialing and hanging up (we only leave one voicemail ever, so we don't clog their inboxes) and actually talk to about a half-dozen people a day, if that. I like it a lot.

I got a really awesome pair of purple boots last night that I would never have gotten for myself (I am far too practical with money to ever get things I want instead of things I need). I might be getting a Kindle Fire eventually, too, but I take that with a grain of salt.

One of the things no one ever talks about about being poor is how you get taught to be ashamed at even the thought of spending money on things that aren't needed. There's this thought that spending your money on anything at all besides not being poor is a waste and that you're just a fucking irresponsible imitation of a human.

I'm twenty-five years old and I feel sick to my stomach over a pair of $70 boots, because I could've gotten more clothes for work with that money, or it could've been spent helping catch up on the electric bill or the QWEST bill, or on a ticket to Denver for Katie's wedding in February.

Ugh. Ignore me. No one needs to respond to this, I just open LJ and apparently emo all over it.

Also, I use Twitter a lot lately, because it's faster and the LJ app for Android sucks horribly. Find me there @clex_monkie89 (creative, no?).

I'm gonna go back to the Doctor Who marathon on BBC America now.

This week started bad with the battery on the computer and then today we just keep getting blow after blow and it gets worse and worse.

( Cut for length. )For extra giggles, I'm gonna list the money I crap that is directly related to me:

Bank account: -$270
Laptop Battery: $165
WinCon Room: $260
Food for WinCon: $???
Tattoo at WinCon: Ahahahaha, yeah, that's probably not happening.

That is almost SEVEN HUNDRED DOLLARS RIGHT THERE. And completely ignoring all the household bills that we're behind on. (Which would be, you know. All of them.)

I need material objects to sell. Anyone wanna buy some crappily hand-knitted potholders? Glorified stick-figures? Shitty drabbles?

Didn't think so.

I am still pretty obsessed with this song. I want to tattoo Johnathon Groff's voice in this on me.

Speaking of tattoos, I want one so damn bad. I was supposed to get an army man and Lego (judge away, I don't care) back in, like, March, and then it kept getting out back. My big brother's sister (me and him share Ma, he and her share a dad) is gonna get his ADC number on her, so we were gonna get them together.

Problem is that she lives nine hours north in Pinion (she teaches English on the res up near Four Corners. English like writing, not like ESL) and thus can only get down here occasionally. Also, B (our older brother) is gonna help her design hers so she wants to wait for that. So it was gonna be done in March then got pushed back, then was gonna be done in May, but it got pushed back, and then she was down here in Phoenix from Friday to today to see B and go to a Cake concert, but then she ended up not coming here today because she had to get back up north.

( And here is where I start to get emo. )

Instead of doing a quick one-off entry and then writing my Big Bang (I killed the ending and now can't make one fit) I have been writing this for an hour and a half. I'm gonna post now and go back to ignoring all my feelings, because when I do that I don't feel like I'm depressed!

Things I should have done:

1. Moved out when I could;


2. Not given every penny I have to my family constantly;


3. Never have gone to my doctor for my knee (so he would "reccommend" FMLA which would in turn force me to "quit" because I had no money coming in but was still required to pay my insurance premium);


4. Not have gone to WinCon;


5. Lied and said I fucking loathed this house so we would still be living somewhere we could afford;


6. Pretty much everything in my life differently.

In related news, according to Ma CJ is the only one who does anything here and everything wrong with our lives is my fault.

And now apparently Hertz just took every one of the $209 out of our account for NO REASON because they said Geico required them to run a credit check for the rental car, and Ma is on the phone with the Geico now and they're saying that is COMPLETELY untrue.

And Hertz closed a half an hour ago.

And we now literally have less than twenty bucks to our names.

AND. I have no gas to get to work tomorrow.

Was I GACY in a past life or something?

So. Instead of working on my Big Bang like I really need to be (it is the fic that will not DIE) I accidentally started writing a Swan Song coda in a somewhat experimental style that will either be really neat or completely fucking lame.

Also, I have an 11 hour shift today and Ma forgot and woke me up a half of an hour EARLY.

I've already downed an entire venti Java Chip and not my stomach aches so I can't stomach down the second corn dog that is my breakfast.

Also, I will literally have to give over ever cent that doesn't have to stay in my account for my payday loan tomorrow (a hundred and forty fucking dollars, Obama, I am not impressed, it was only $70 every two weeks when I didn't have to go online). I have paid more in interest than I even fucking borrowed, and I will never see any of that money back because Ma and CJ are just stubborn and annoying.

Me and Yussie now routinely bond over how they keep telling us that if we don't like it there we can leave, they don't need our help, and how they are clearly so very wrong about that because they need every last penny we have from our checks every week and still can't pay all the bills off.

...That turned ranty. I swear, it was just gonna be a little bitching about Coda instead of Big Bang.

Why isn't "helpless" a mood on LJ?

My schedule for the next two weeks, or; "What happens when my work lets me have limited OT."

( Cut for insanity. )

A winter wedding, huh? I don't reallt have much to say about Jared and Gen's engagement other than that I really hope he quietly dated a few people in between Sandy and her, because otherwise it could be bad and, you know, I don't want Jared to become a jaded cynic. That's Jensen's part.

In other news, I'm going back to school. Most of you weren't here when I was going, but I got most of the way through two two degrees (administration of justice and evidence technology) before three years of sixteen-credit semesters burned me the fuck out.

The plan is to go online with the University of Phoenix. Two eight-week classes at a time instead of four/five sixteen-week classes with random weekend seminars thrown in. Between that, doing work full-time, and Big Bang I see my brain fritzing out sometimes about mid-March.

Speaking of Big Bang, I kinda think I know what I want to write, but my main issue is whether I can make myself wade through the 800 page doc of notes I have on it from way back. And, sadly, I am not exagerating. The doc is really 800 pages.

Also, I've been talking to my brother's sister lately and she seems really cool, and nice, and sweet. Not at all as intimidating as she sounds in theory. We're planning on meeting up again for the first time since we were about six or so either this weekend or next weekend. Here's to hoping I don't make a gigantic ass out of myself!

I'm hoping for the money situation to improve at home soon, Yussie's got a second interview tomorrow morning to be a department head at Walmart, I will have my W2s by the end of the month so I can file my taxes, and I'm approved for 12.5k in financial aid, since I can count my entire family as dependants now.

I need to make a list of things that I need to get (a new laptop, my hair dyed, etc) and then try to... IDK, do something. I can't even budget because I don't have anything to save, because the economy is hell-bent on making me cry.

I think maybe the entire reason all this went to crap is because I was making plans to go to the LA Con, and, like, have someone actually holding tickets for me and now I am almost certain I won't be able to go (but am stubbornly holding on to the last possible second just in case).

And I am now addicted to Farmville on Facebook, and I don't really know how it happened.

...This post got way longer than I thought it would. I blame the fact that no one has posted since I woke up really and the computers here in the net cafe don't have flash so I can't waste time on Facebook games.

TWO WEEKS UNTIL NEW SHOW, YOU GUYS! TWO WEEKS!

( Cut for emo and complaining. )

My major depressive funk; let me show you it.

...I just lost a dollar an hour.

I'm guessing because my sales haven't been as high with the complete and utter lack of calls.

And now I feel like crap and this is, like. Not the time to lose eighty+ bucks a check.

I blame Unnamed Chick at work. That bitch ruins the curve by deciding what type of calls she wants to get—meaning that when everyone else is stuck on activations that can't give sales she's taking nothing but sales calls. It's an endless loop of cheating. She gets to do that because she's been the top seller for a year, but she's been the top seller for a year because she gets to pick her calls.