Jenmar - Really hot Freddy Krueger.

This week started bad with the battery on the computer and then today we just keep getting blow after blow and it gets worse and worse.

( Cut for length. )For extra giggles, I'm gonna list the money I crap that is directly related to me:

Bank account: -$270
Laptop Battery: $165
WinCon Room: $260
Food for WinCon: $???
Tattoo at WinCon: Ahahahaha, yeah, that's probably not happening.

That is almost SEVEN HUNDRED DOLLARS RIGHT THERE. And completely ignoring all the household bills that we're behind on. (Which would be, you know. All of them.)

I need material objects to sell. Anyone wanna buy some crappily hand-knitted potholders? Glorified stick-figures? Shitty drabbles?

Didn't think so.

...I suck at journaling, man. I'll blame Twitter, even though I kinda suck at that, too. So, non-bullet bulleties.

- spn_j2_bigbang! I signed up! Sadly, my first idea for it is something that I recently realized will get maybe three people will read it, because fandom as a whole seems to loathe the theme. I know you shouldn't write specifically for comments, but there is something distressing about spending months and months writing 20k+ and getting only four comments on it. Also, I am tired of being one of the last picks for art. It's stressful.

- Since my last real update B has put in his plea, officially been sentenced and moved back to Florence. This is good, because Florence is a one hour drive where Tucson was three, and it's a two hour visit through glass where Tucson was a half an hour over camera. Also, last night Kristin (his other sister) stopped by to pick up some of his stuff because when they moved him from county in Tucson back to Florence he couldn't bring anything but his court paperwork with him. It was cool, me, her, and Ma got to talk for about two hours before she had to go. We're gonna get together on Sunday before she drives back up to Pinon.

- Google is awesome, but their beta phases are apparently crap with people. Seriously, I have a brand new respect for all the buggy shit in GMail when it first started and everything. They're trying Lead Qualifiers--people who will answer the calls when they come in and get their name, number, website, what their budget is, and then direct them to the right people on the right team. In one minute. They literally have a handle time of sixty seconds, which means if they take longer than that to do anything, they're breaking their version of a quota. The past two weeks have been pretty crap because of this and all the systems that haave been breaking because of it.

- I am still in love with Southland, and it is back and everything about it is made of love.

- In related and more shameful news, I have been randomly watching S10 of Smallville here and there and kinda falling back in love with it. I CAN'T HELP IT. LOIS AND CLARK! THAT IS MY LOIS AND CLARK FROM COMICS! Except for where SV has torn apart the canon and made their own, but when I think of it as an Elseworlds it hurts me less. Also, holy shit, Ollie, you are weridly in love with Clark, man. I am not used to it, but until you get a Hal of your very own (or a Dinah that doesn't make my eyes twitch as hard) I guess I do not mind. I ALMOST FORGOT. Daniel Jackson, you may be doomed to be an archaeologist forever but you were perfect as Hawkman, and I cheered like hell when you tossed Green Arrow through the window, and when you tossed him on the table, and generally when you existed and were onscreen.

- More related news, Batman/Superman: Public Enemies, the movie, is amazing. I quoted nearly the whole thing in Chat last week when I watched it, because Superman and Batman and their relationship was so damn perfect.

- Young Justice, on the other hand, makes me sad all over and I almost want to make an entire post just about all the ways it sucks. Also, I spent the first fifteen minutes or so going, "Koooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon" over and over until he showed.

- Speaking of Smallville, I have been rereading SV fic based in/written during seasons 1 and 2, and it has been weirdly nostalgic and awesome. On the off chance that there is anyone here still in that fandom, or who still has bookmarks from that fandom, I would not turn them down.

- This got really long. I will go now, because I need to write this weekend before cherie_morte kills me.

Today was a day. I will post small bits because I'm tired and just plain don't want to talk about stuff a lot.

Work is fun, I like it, but I am cursed by people who want to show ads in only a twenty-mile radius (not really their fault, I don't expect a local pizza place, for example, to advertise nation-wide), or who immediately change their entire campaigns once I'm done, thus ensuring that they don't get clicks and I don't get credit. They let us surf YouTube or listen to Pandora or do whatever between calls, so long as we pay attention and stop everything else when we are on a call, so that's awesome too.

I got a random message on Facebook about a week ago from someone who used to know my babysitter when I was little (five or younger, because this was IL). It was incredibly creepy and kinda fucked with my day bad, because my old babysitter was not a good person and bad people tend to be friends with bad people.

Last Monday my big brother entered his plea bargain (I had to go to work), and today he was officially sentenced to natural life without parole. My boss let me off from work so I went up there with Ma and CJ. I'm really glad I got to go, because the judge and the guard let us hug him. I haven't been able to hug him in literally five or six years, because he has non-contact visitation, so when we see each other it's through glass. After court me and Ma got to see him for visitation, but the county jail down in Tucson is half-hour visits only, and through video, so it wasn't like I was used to.

He an Ma cried a lot, so I stayed strong, didn't cry, and didn't let my eyes water much, but now I'm worried that he might think I don't care because I wasn't crying. I didn't want to cry though, because I hate crying and I feel weak and shitty when I do it, and I know it would make them both feel bad, so I didn't. And I'm not crying now because I'm trying not to focus on the fact that if I ever get to physically hug Bryon again it won't be for, at least, twenty years.

And then, and I know this is so fucking piddly in comparison, but money is tight, we got home and I realized my team's pot luck and Secret Santa is tomorrow, so I had to spend ten bucks on a gift card and ended up buying brownies instead of making them because I am fucking tired and it's cheaper than getting everything we need for the brownies. But, still, about fifteen bucks that didn't have to be spent there.

Well, now that I've depressed myself again, and all of you, I'm going to go do things and try to sleep.

Rundown in bullet form. Here's how today went, in order:

• Woke up today after about three hours of sleep.


• Found out phone was turned off.


• Got another ounce of fluid pulled from my knee.


• Found out I never grew out of my arthritis (which happens about half the time with JRA.


• Got disconnects for the cable; internet; Ma's phone; and Yussie's phone.


• Realized their is not enough money to turn my phone back on yet, but also not enough to pay the contract break fee and get a prepaid.


• Discovered that, with the way my checks are now, after my car payment, car insurance, gas, food at work, phone, and doctor's copays, I only bring in $440 a month on average.


• Got a call from B at the prison today, and realized we don't have enough money on the account for the fucking thing to let the call go through.


• CJ got into a car accident on the way home because he went to check his work P.O. box to see if I had mail I was expecting there (where they sent him back to the post office itself because his work and their mail is being stupid to the extreme and the mail place they used to use and the one they're using now are fighting or something).

Ma's car is apparently wrecked. CJ called from the accident and Ma said he doesn't sound good; she's on the way to get him now, in my car. Not sure exactly how the accident happened yet—he says it's his fault but we don't know if it's his fault because he blames himself for pretty much everything bad that happens or because he tried to make a turn in one of the suicide lanes*.

The only good thing about this is that Ma has insurance. Ma said that CJ said that the car was completely wrecked, so it might not be a matter of repairing it so much as replacing it, but we think the insurance covers a rental car in the meantime.

This is just... When it rains it really fucking pours, doesn't it?

*A suicide lane is a lane that is no-through with turning in both directions part of the time, one-way through part of the time with no turning, and one-way through the other way with no turning another part of the time.

Rundown in bullet form. Here's how today went, in order:

• Woke up today after about three hours of sleep.


• Found out phone was turned off.


• Got another ounce of fluid pulled from my knee.


• Found out I never grew out of my arthritis (which happens about half the time with JRA.


• Got disconnects for the cable; internet; Ma's phone; and Yussie's phone.


• Realized their is not enough money to turn my phone back on yet, but also not enough to pay the contract break fee and get a prepaid.


• Discovered that, with the way my checks are now, after my car payment, car insurance, gas, food at work, phone, and doctor's copays, I only bring in $440 a month on average.


• Got a call from B at the prison today, and realized we don't have enough money on the account for the fucking thing to let the call go through.


• CJ got into a car accident on the way home because he went to check his work P.O. box to see if I had mail I was expecting there (where they sent him back to the post office itself because his work and their mail is being stupid to the extreme and the mail place they used to use and the one they're using now are fighting or something).

Ma's car is apparently wrecked. CJ called from the accident and Ma said he doesn't sound good; she's on the way to get him now, in my car. Not sure exactly how the accident happened yet—he says it's his fault but we don't know if it's his fault because he blames himself for pretty much everything bad that happens or because he tried to make a turn in one of the suicide lanes*.

The only good thing about this is that Ma has insurance. Ma said that CJ said that the car was completely wrecked, so it might not be a matter of repairing it so much as replacing it, but we think the insurance covers a rental car in the meantime.

This is just... When it rains it really fucking pours, doesn't it?

*A suicide lane is a lane that is no-through with turning in both directions part of the time, one-way through part of the time with no turning, and one-way through the other way with no turning another part of the time.

A winter wedding, huh? I don't reallt have much to say about Jared and Gen's engagement other than that I really hope he quietly dated a few people in between Sandy and her, because otherwise it could be bad and, you know, I don't want Jared to become a jaded cynic. That's Jensen's part.

In other news, I'm going back to school. Most of you weren't here when I was going, but I got most of the way through two two degrees (administration of justice and evidence technology) before three years of sixteen-credit semesters burned me the fuck out.

The plan is to go online with the University of Phoenix. Two eight-week classes at a time instead of four/five sixteen-week classes with random weekend seminars thrown in. Between that, doing work full-time, and Big Bang I see my brain fritzing out sometimes about mid-March.

Speaking of Big Bang, I kinda think I know what I want to write, but my main issue is whether I can make myself wade through the 800 page doc of notes I have on it from way back. And, sadly, I am not exagerating. The doc is really 800 pages.

Also, I've been talking to my brother's sister lately and she seems really cool, and nice, and sweet. Not at all as intimidating as she sounds in theory. We're planning on meeting up again for the first time since we were about six or so either this weekend or next weekend. Here's to hoping I don't make a gigantic ass out of myself!

I'm hoping for the money situation to improve at home soon, Yussie's got a second interview tomorrow morning to be a department head at Walmart, I will have my W2s by the end of the month so I can file my taxes, and I'm approved for 12.5k in financial aid, since I can count my entire family as dependants now.

I need to make a list of things that I need to get (a new laptop, my hair dyed, etc) and then try to... IDK, do something. I can't even budget because I don't have anything to save, because the economy is hell-bent on making me cry.

I think maybe the entire reason all this went to crap is because I was making plans to go to the LA Con, and, like, have someone actually holding tickets for me and now I am almost certain I won't be able to go (but am stubbornly holding on to the last possible second just in case).

And I am now addicted to Farmville on Facebook, and I don't really know how it happened.

...This post got way longer than I thought it would. I blame the fact that no one has posted since I woke up really and the computers here in the net cafe don't have flash so I can't waste time on Facebook games.

TWO WEEKS UNTIL NEW SHOW, YOU GUYS! TWO WEEKS!

( Cut for emo and complaining. )

My major depressive funk; let me show you it.