Jenmar - Really hot Freddy Krueger.

My Mom is sitting in the ER right now because her blood pressure was so high that the people at Urgent Care weren't sure how she was able to actually walk in and not have a stroke.

Best wakeup ever, right? [/sarcasm]

Yesterday she FINALLY went to get her eyes checked to get glasses and the doctor told her that her eyes were hemorrhaging. He said that that's either a sign of REALLY late diabetes or REALLY high blood pressure. She wouldn't go into the ER last night but I told her that she was going today or I'd never talk to her again.

So she got someone to come into work early and cover her, left at noon today and went to urgent care where they took her blood pressure AND THE MACHINE STARTED TO FLASH RED. She was like, 215/Something and they told her to go to the hospital ASAP.

So what did she do? Called CJ to see if she could get a hold of him while he was working and then drove over to Walgreens real quick before going to the hospital.

And then when she got there she was 230/Something.

She's still there in the waiting room right now. She's feeling pretty good, a headache has really been her only symptom. She'd been having pretty bad headaches lately and we both chalked it up to her needing glasses and only having the drug-store ones.

I'm freaking out more than she is because I've been telling her to stop smoking and get her eyes checked and everything. She wasn't even gonna go to the hospital but she knew I would be beyond pissed if she didn't.

DO NOT expect any answers to these comments for a while/if at all.

ETA: She just called me, they finally called her name and she's walking in right now.

I am currently sitting outside of my mother's apartment because she thinks she told me that the top lock (the only one I don't have a key for) was locked when she called and woke me up this morning.

90f isn't hot but it sure as hell isn't nice in jeans and 15lbs boots.

It's 7:30 at night right now and I just got yelled at by Mom because a commercial on the TV was "loud" and so now I'm sitting in the dark in the living room with my typing and the fan as the only sound. I'm not allowed to turn on any lights or the TV or the radio and I'm really wishing I hadn't convinced Mom to let me stay instead of going back to Phil's (there's two extra people and no food there apparently).

Have I mentioned that I'm fucking terrified of the dark and it's fucking pitch-black in here and I hate it? I can't even see the keyboard on the laptop.

Oh, and? I'm halfway into my Remix (which is due tomorrow) and still have to code the Heroes NL tonight.

Hi. So I left for Mom's on Monday to spend the week there so we could go shopping and stuff to get me ready for classes starting tomorrow. I didn't make a post because I assumed, wrongly, that this comp isn't a piece of shit and I would be able to use dial-up to get online. I was wrong. There's something wrong with the comp so that it doesn't hear a dial-tone when I plug a phone cord into it and make it dial.; Pissed me off for a few hours on Monday night and then it wasn't too bad.

While at Mom's I watched: House of Wax (a bad cam copy so I could hear but not actually see Jared for the most part), Cry_Wolf (DVD rip, not enough Jared), three eps of Grey's Anatomy (the two-parter with Meredith in the water and the death cluster one) and most of season two of Boston Legal. I also got to watch John Doe and a few of the really good eps of The X-Files on Sci-Fi. I had totally forgotten how awesome Kaddish and Leonard Betts were.

Wednesday we got my hair trimmed (and it's got layer and looks girly and that is so weird) and the sides shaved again. Thursday was sitting around and doing nothing.

Friday, though, was a big day. Started with me hopping on the bus at ten to go get my hair dyed. It's zig-zagged blue and pink (chartreuse as Mom called it) on the right and left respectively and it looks so cool that I've actually had my hair down all weekend. I usually never, ever have it down so this is a big thing. After that we went clothes shopping. I got a half dozen or so shirts from Goodwill and a pair of pants from there too. Then I got another pair of pants (my Dean jeans--STFU) from Wal-Mart and some socks and a pair of boxers. Then we went back to Mom's and ate and then I got some notebooks for school and got taken home just in time to start the NL.

So I get home and instead of starting the NL immediately I help Stephie with the Altador Plot on Neopets and then start the NL at like, 2200 or so. I got two hours into coding and then was promptly incoherent for the better part of an hour.

Why? Because while talking to Hans, Deam, and Kwen they decided to unveil clexathon on me. Holy shit, you guys. I honestly cried for a solid hour when they showed me that. And then I felt like a complete tool because I had spent the entire week at Mom's bitching to Deam on the phone about how I didn't think I was gonna be able to go because not only did I have no money but I didn't really have anything I could sell for money either. So yeah, I'm definitely going to WinCon now. Mom's letting me stay at her place on Wednesday the 10th and is driving me from class to the airport the next day. My flight leaves at like 1600ish so I should have enough time between class ending at 1415 and getting through security and all that shit to actually have some time to sit down before I get on the plane and start freaking out.

And then all of Saturday was spent attempting to catch up on my FList and then coding the NL. Today I'm gonna goof off and tonight I'm gonna crash no later than midnight. I have to be up around seven tomorrow for the bus.

So. I have no financial aid. It's not horrible though because Mom and CJ are gonna pay for me (I hope they realize it's gonna be that way next semester too) because it's only about a thousand bucks total (taken out in five increments). Which is good, and they'll pay for my books too if I can get them cheap.

Yuss still doesn't have a job and my lack of financial aid now disqualifies me from doing work study there too. My schedule, as shown here, means that I won't even be home until Between two and five in the afternoon (depending on the day) so if I got a job it would have to be somewhere between sixish and whatever time still lets me get home early enough to wake at like, six in the morning.

I usually have a good, nice chunk of money left after financial aide for clothes or whatever is needed but now I don't. I have two pairs of pants and one has a big hole on the inside thigh. I've been waiting like, a month for Mom to take me to Wal-Mart and get me one pair of $20 pants but I don't think that's gonna happen any time soon.

Then there's the twenty bucks a month for a bus card to get to and from school. I'm gonna be spending four hours a day on the bus and John the iPod and Sam the laptop (forgot I'm still on crutches, nevermind the laptop) will be saving me from early morning drunks and the asshole high schoolers on it. I love you, Julia!

I'm trying not to stress about WinCon. It's just that it's in less than three months and I have $0 out of $325 needed for it. I just filled out an application for this place where Phil works (Not Dell, Singular) even though I have no idea what their hours are like. I'm not confident at all that I'll be able to do the job even part time but it's worth trying. Yuss needs to get a job, for serious. I know it's not his fault because he applies constantly, it's just that he can't get anyone to hire him. It still pisses me off (but not at him though). Man, if I had my brace fixed I could totally be a car-hop at Sonic. Kinda hard to rollarblade on crutches though.

I'd rather not have to sell my brother over the net to get to WinCon but I think I may have to resort to that.

But what else is new?

( Cut for RL. )

Also, on the first--one way or another--we lose our internet. We might lose it a little sooner but I don't know.

I'm currently awaiting word from audrarose or someone else in charge of Big Bang to see if I can get a few extra days to find somewhere I can hop online from for a few minutes to submit my stuff.

I debated posting about this because I know no one cares but hey, it's my journal. Fuck it.

I realize that most of you probably think I sound like a whiny little baby because I'm 21 and complaining because "Mommy won't take care of me" but I don't fucking care.

It's two weeks until the first.

Big Bang is due on the first, my story and the art I'm doing for Hans' fic.

The week surrounding the first, before and after, will probably be spent by me and Yussie trying to figure out what we're going to do with the TVs and beds and computers and moving back into Mom's apartment.

Mom said if we move back in we both have to get jobs.

My knee brace is still broken from a few months ago and it's not likely that she'll be able to front me the $400 it'll take to get fixed. Without the brace I'm on crutches and even with the brace I can only stand for about five hours at a time before my entire body starts to go beyond ache and into full-fledged hurt. It's why I've yet to keep a job for longer than two weeks; because I work fast food (Because I can't really do anything) and even though I tell them I have a knee brace and can only stand for five hours they always start my second week by scheduling me for 6-9 hours shifts. Or, like at Subway, 12-hour shifts. And then I end up having to quit because I can't stay at a job that makes me actually cry when I get home because of how much pain I'm in.

I can't get disability because my knee is not permanent; if I could manage to get everyone involved to agree to give me the surgery then it would be fixed.

Mom doesn't have cable internet or DSL or anything like that and I'm back to using my laptop with the broken, wobbley phone port. Which means I'm not even going back to 26.6kbps, I'm going back to... I have no idea what. Probably back to fighting Joseph over my desktop (Him for an hour, me for an hour, him for an hour, me for and hour, etc).

I'm in one of those nice, awesome little funks where all I want to do is sleep or lay in a bathtub all day long. My ADD is acting up so badly that I'm jittery, actually shaking off excess energy, and I can't concentrate on reading anything or writing anything or drawing or watching TV. My ulcer is acting up again to the point where nearly all food is aggravating it, I have two different cold sores from stress, and I'm scratching at my arms and face so bad that I'm starting to look like a meth addict again (Which is always a nice look; especially when you're job hunting).

Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to go and force myself to try and fix my Big Bang.

It's almost 0800 and I'm at ?skip=500 and counting with no signs of slowing. *Waves white flag* I give up. If there's anything anyone thinks I should see they'd do well to link me to it here.

Also? I just realized that my stocking isn't even up at Mom's. Last year it went up as soon as we got it. I realize that I'm twenty but I haven't had the chance to do a lot of "holiday" stuff and I try to make up for it now.

Yeah, yeah, fucking call me "Sam" and get it over with, okay?

In more Sammich-like and incredibly ungreatful news I think Mom's getting me a cellphone for Christmas and I'm diosapointed. I don't really know what I want but I know that Ma probably spent a hundred and fifty dollars on something I literally use twice a day. To text CJ and tell him I'm awake or at school and to call Dad if/when I need a ride.

Ugh. I fucking need sleep.

And to top it all off the grades for three of my classes have been posted. A in Criminal Investigations and A in Communication. That's good. But I got a B in English and that makes me feel stupid now.

There's not even food in the house to eat while I wallow. Well, that's not entirely true. Ma got hot dogs night before last. Woo, awesome. It's been about a week since we've had food in the house and I'd really like to eat. But, you know, she doesn't want to go to the store so she doesn't. I know it's not a money thing because I asked if she would take me so I could spend my money on food. She said no and got hot dogs.

I liked it better when she was getting high. When she was getting high at least we were getting food. Pizza and burgers and fast food but it was still something to eat. Now she's sober and married to CJ and they both have jobs and they both have cars and they both eat after work and don't get me or Yuss food.

I hate having to call Daddy and ask him to get us Burger King because we haven't eaten all day. And Mom wonders why he doesn't have a place of his own yet.

Have you ever been so mad that you can't concentrate?

I have a paper due tomorrow that I still need to start (My fault for putting it off but I had actually intended on working on it last night) and I'm still so pissed that I honestly cannot concentrate for more than a few seconds at a time.

I swear to God, I think I'm going to fail English because of this.