Jenmar - Really hot Freddy Krueger.

It's fun, right?

I'm pretty much bipolar. It isn't diagnosed because the job I work at that I hate doesn't give me insurance. I was gonna go to Ma's GP on Tuesday to see about getting on some kind of medication, but didn't go because a combination of not having the money and CJ wanting to talk to me about it first. Which I get, because Ma sometimes gets an idea in her head and gets her Stubborn on, and I know he just wants to make sure that I'm not agreeing to go if I'm good but just hating my job.

And, let me tell you, the amount of hate I have for this job is eclipsed only by the amount of hate I have for the asshole who is my temporary boss. Mine doesn't come back until the beginning of July, and I really don't know if I hope I'm still there then or not.

( Ranting about work be under this cut. )

I added a ridiculous amount of words to my Big Bang on May 1st (almost a full 13k) and then have hardly touched it since. I feel so bad for poor colls, because she has 7k of coherent fic and then nothing. I try, but this entire month has been about 90% downswing and the other 10% so busy I cannot do a thing. And when I'm on a downswing I either just am too numb to care and don't even bother to try to open it, or everything is SO fucking horrible and stupid that I just want to delete it all and start from scratch. Which would be a very bad idea.

In addition to all that, one... Saturday? Friday? My old desktop broke, I moved to one we bought off a guy that was password protected in the core like work computers tend to be, so I couldn't install my work system on it. Then I moved to Ma's new desktop, which would not allow me to the login page for work, and then to Yussie's which is now mine. And then two days later my old work computer completely broke. About an hour after my laptop gave out.

Now, when I say my laptop gave out, what I really mean is it did that thing it would do occasionally where it spends about two hours trying to fix an issue it finds, and says in big, BOLD letters across the screen ATTEMPTING TO REPAIR DISC. DO NOT POWER OFF OR UNPLUG.

So, naturally, Ma turned it off. And it ruined the harddrive to the point where Yussie tried to reinstall Windows on it and it told him to go fuck himself. Now, on the plus side, I had known my desktop was giving out, so I backed it up on my server constantly. I have all my comics, fonts, PS presets, pictures, music, etc. The TV and movies I downloaded are gone, but I have 3.80TCreds on TVT and a ratio of 4.73 on IPT with 3,559 bonus points, so I'm not exactly worried about getting those back, besides just plain remembering what I want.

But my awesome husband unperfectwolf has been working on her Squee! submission for the last two hours and unwittingly helping me feel better by talking about finding fandom when she was in single digits and wincon. I genuinely am feeling a little better now, so I'm going to end this novel of a post before that turns again.

I might be super slow to respond to comments, because procrastination is awesome when I downswing.

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A $50 Amazon gift card, clearly.

Really, my family has been poor pretty much my whole life, and even though we have a house now, we're working our way towards only being a month behind on all our bills. So, clearly, wish lists and presents have only very sporadically been a part of my life.

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SO MANY BAD MOVIES. Lets see. I saw Gothika for free and felt ripped off, I once had to sit through A Walk To Remember, Crazy/Beautiful was so boring I fell asleep... I actually walked out of The Darkness because it was so boring. OH! OH! I KNOW!

THE FOURTH KIND. I actually got PAID MONEY to go see the movie because we saw it while at work, and I still felt ripped off. Let me repeat that. I MADE TWENTY-TWO DOLLARS WATCHING THAT MOVIE, AND IT WAS STILL NOT WORTH IT.

MAN, I am annoyed just thinking about that movie.

Monday I worked 0545-2100 with two fifteen minute breaks and no lunch.

Tuesday I worked 0545-1500 with two fifteen minute breaks and no lunch.

Wednesday I worked 0545-2100 with two fifteen minute breaks and no lunch.

Thursday I worked 0545-2100 with two fifteen minute breaks and no lunch.

Friday I had off and went to the doctor, where I sat for an hour and a half for him to walk in, sign two pieces of paper and walk out (yay! Handicap plates when I get my car!), and then took Mom out to eat.

Saturday I worked 0800-1600, came home, tried to help my mom find out if my grandma had died, and coded the NL until 0200 at which point I fell asleep before posting.

Yeah, that's right. We don't know if my mom's mom is alive or not because Mom has been trying to call her for a few weeks or so now and getting no answer. ( And then cut for RL because I'm sure a lot of people don't care. )

And, in non-RL things, I am trying to figure out how to get as much OT as I can cram in while trying to finish my Big Bang in time for posting. And, also, I coded until 0200 last night and fell asleep about two entries before posting, because I'm a fucking winner.

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Trufax: When I was a kid I was TERRIFIED that I would get abducted by aliens. I mean sobbing and crying and everything.

AND I KNOW WHY. Because Mom used to watch X-Files and I vividly remember seeing Mulder's flashback to Samantha being taken and him not being able to do a single thing to stop it.

MOG, this is so hard to type with this laptop. I want me Sam back!

I'm trying to write Wincest, because it's been a while since I've done some (one-sided doesn't count), but I'm failing really hard at ideas. I keep bouncing between things but I can't manage to get anything going.

Now accepting: prompts for comment!fics.

Especially when it's something you've been working on for way too long and have never actually done before.

J2 fic is hard. Angstless fic is hard. Angstless J2 kind of completely attracts writer's block like shirtless!Jared attracts keepaofthecheez.

3,560 words and I am TRAPPED. In the BEGINNING of the fic. You guys should totally, like. Say stuff or something to try and help.

( Snippet. )

First thing's first: I have like, sixty fucking comments in my inbox I need to respond to. Most are from This Is Ourselves (Under Pressure) but not all of them. I am not ignoring anyone, I am just procrastinating.

In other news I hate Prison Break and Michael and Lincoln can go to hell. I say this because my already overdue Sweet Charity fic is supposed to be PB and I have not a single fucking word on the fic right now. I had words, pages even of it on Sam I. But then Sam took a nap and I have to start from scratch now. I wasn't incredibly worried when it happened because I thought I still had it pretty fresh in my mind and figured I could note down the outline and then redo it. I don't remember as much as I thought I did though and so what little I did remember seemed to suck pretty hard.

So now I'm stuck. The prompt choices given to me were "something around Michael's college life and the trouble of fitting Lincoln into it" or "something where they are younger about Lincoln's criminal endeavors; about how Michael is his reason to go home at night, how he thinks about Michael all the time and in his thoughts everything he does, every pain he suffers is for Michael."

My buyer says it's really up to me and that those are just ideas but I have no fucking clue what the hell to do now. Really the only things necessary are M/L, pre-series and angst. Which would be fine and dandy if I had even a single idea anymore that doesn't sound like complete crap.

And? To top it all off? I'm not letting myself work on anything else until this is done.

I'm 1,524 words into my spn_rimmathon fic, literally just about to get to the rimming when my Dad's P.O. shows up and breaks my porn.

Seriously. Dean's pants are around his ankles, he is ass-up on the couch and has just told the other dude to get to work and then there was a pounding at the door and now I am at a brick wall.