clex_monkie89 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
clex_monkie89) wrote2006-01-09 08:09 pm
clex_monkie89) wrote2006-01-09 08:09 pm
And real life intrudes once again.
House is on right now and I'm too freaked out to watch it.
This isn't fair.
Have I mentioned that my father gets out on March 22? And that we just found this out today? And that my grandmother is getting a new alarm put on her place? And that the gate to our community would be completely ineffective even if it weren't for the fact that it's broken?
Hey![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
kygn, do me a favor? Spread the word around Job Corps that nobody is to admit they know where I live. And that if anyone does I will find out and I will possibly hurt them physically. I've already left a message for Michelle on her voice mail and she should be calling me back tomorrow (Hopefully). He doesn't get out for a few months but there's always the chance that he'll send people ahead to ask around and once he's out he may possibly do the same.
I called my doctor today and set up an appointment so I can get referred to a shrink, the appointment is for 0930 on 1-12 and I'm really hoping I can go until then without losing it but... I don't know. Mom thinks I'm manic (I see that) and possibly manic-depressive (Because I go through these... bits where I want to do absolutely nothing at all. Like right now.). It's kind of obvious that I have panic attacks and severe anxiety problems. Mom thinks I need Xanex. I think I agree right now and I'm usually terrified of taking something that will change my brain chemistry.
I've been on the verge of tears all day and for the past like few weeks or something and I hate it because I'm a bottler. I'm the type of person who bottles up my emotions and yes, I get that this is probably part of the reason I'm freaking so much now. I really don't like it though because it's really not fun at all. I think I've managed pretty good at not scratching though and that makes me kinda proud because I know it's a coping mechanism and it stings and I use it as a crutch even though I shouldn't.
And now I've just found out from a phone call to my Grandma that I might not be going to see Bryon this weekend because her friend's grandchild was just born and the briss is on Sunday. The logical part of my brain knows that that's an important thing and an important thing to her but the selfish part is pissed off and kind of hopes that she can't go so that I can see Bryon. And I feel bad for hoping that but I wanna see my brother and I feel like crap.
On the plus side? I feel like writing some LJ-Genfic right now and I think I can do it. On the bad side? I think I've already read most of the PBSlash out there and whenever I think about writing L/M I start to freak out and I know it's because my brain hops over to BBM and then I start getting all weepy because that movie fucking hit me hard.
Is it sad that it bugs me how Semagic 1.5.4.9U gives different Tag-spots for Capitalized tags and uncapitalized tags? It's a small thing and it fucking bugs me.
And now? I'm going to go make pot-pie and write. And I need to clear out my BBM icons because I'm too much of a gigantic wuss to actually lose them.
This isn't fair.
Have I mentioned that my father gets out on March 22? And that we just found this out today? And that my grandmother is getting a new alarm put on her place? And that the gate to our community would be completely ineffective even if it weren't for the fact that it's broken?
Hey
kygn, do me a favor? Spread the word around Job Corps that nobody is to admit they know where I live. And that if anyone does I will find out and I will possibly hurt them physically. I've already left a message for Michelle on her voice mail and she should be calling me back tomorrow (Hopefully). He doesn't get out for a few months but there's always the chance that he'll send people ahead to ask around and once he's out he may possibly do the same.I called my doctor today and set up an appointment so I can get referred to a shrink, the appointment is for 0930 on 1-12 and I'm really hoping I can go until then without losing it but... I don't know. Mom thinks I'm manic (I see that) and possibly manic-depressive (Because I go through these... bits where I want to do absolutely nothing at all. Like right now.). It's kind of obvious that I have panic attacks and severe anxiety problems. Mom thinks I need Xanex. I think I agree right now and I'm usually terrified of taking something that will change my brain chemistry.
I've been on the verge of tears all day and for the past like few weeks or something and I hate it because I'm a bottler. I'm the type of person who bottles up my emotions and yes, I get that this is probably part of the reason I'm freaking so much now. I really don't like it though because it's really not fun at all. I think I've managed pretty good at not scratching though and that makes me kinda proud because I know it's a coping mechanism and it stings and I use it as a crutch even though I shouldn't.
And now I've just found out from a phone call to my Grandma that I might not be going to see Bryon this weekend because her friend's grandchild was just born and the briss is on Sunday. The logical part of my brain knows that that's an important thing and an important thing to her but the selfish part is pissed off and kind of hopes that she can't go so that I can see Bryon. And I feel bad for hoping that but I wanna see my brother and I feel like crap.
On the plus side? I feel like writing some LJ-Genfic right now and I think I can do it. On the bad side? I think I've already read most of the PBSlash out there and whenever I think about writing L/M I start to freak out and I know it's because my brain hops over to BBM and then I start getting all weepy because that movie fucking hit me hard.
Is it sad that it bugs me how Semagic 1.5.4.9U gives different Tag-spots for Capitalized tags and uncapitalized tags? It's a small thing and it fucking bugs me.
And now? I'm going to go make pot-pie and write. And I need to clear out my BBM icons because I'm too much of a gigantic wuss to actually lose them.
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And I smish you. And offer my hand.
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And I smish you. And offer my hand.
That means so much to me right now you have no idea. Thank you.
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I was going to have it -
When I think of
youMichaelI touch myself
but then I thought, 'No. What if Lincoln is thinking of T-Bag or Abruzzi...'
So I left it as is.
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Oh that was a scary image. Thank you. Oy.
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I'm love Linc/T-Bag. But mostly if they were vampires and/or really fucking evil together.
Those make me like Lincoln/Abruzzi. In the last one you can see Linc's fingers through the fence and that paired with the look on Abruzzi's face kills me.
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Today just came up and punched me in the face really I guess. One big surprise and nothing to take my mind off of it. Bleh.
But going to the doctor should really help, give you a chance to talk and vent. And it's always scary to take pills like that, but if they help, it's worth it, because you shouldn't have to feel this way.
Oh yes, I want to vent and being able to vent to someone who's there in front of me in the flesh will help a lot. Sadly Thursday is for my Person Care Physician so he can refer me to a shrink.
And I think what worries me most about the drugs are that A) There are some drugs I know will fuck people up hardcore, and B) I remember when they started my mom out on drugs and she went through a ridiculous amount of bad combinations before they found the right one. I guess that just stuck with me.
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I've been on the verge of tears all day and for the past like few weeks or something and I hate it because I'm a bottler.
You're talking here at least. Does that help? Keep venting here, you'll make it the next couple days.
On the plus side? I feel like writing some LJ-Genfic right now and I think I can do it. On the bad side? I think I've already read most of the PBSlash out there and whenever I think about writing L/M I start to freak out and I know it's because my brain hops over to BBM and then I start getting all weepy because that movie fucking hit me hard.
Yay for LJ fic! But man, I haven't even seen BBM yet (read the story though), and it makes me depressed just to see the commercials - which is pretty much why I haven't seen it yet. So I'm watching lots of happy, fluffy, requited love type movies at the moment instead. But at some point I'll go see it (and probably be rediculously depressed for a while afterwards).
And also, your icon? Is awesome.
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Yes, it does help suprisingly. I have a feeling I'm gonna be doing a few more of these before my first appointment.
But man, I haven't even seen BBM yet (read the story though), and it makes me depressed just to see the commercials - which is pretty much why I haven't seen it yet.
I've read the story too but, damn. I didn't expect it to effect me this much and... Wow. I cried in the theatre and I cried remembering it and it just... hurts. Bad.
So I'm watching lots of happy, fluffy, requited love type movies at the moment instead. But at some point I'll go see it (and probably be rediculously depressed for a while afterwards).
That's like how I feel right now. I want to see Munich but it'll make me feel icky so I wanna see The Ringer. And yet? Money for neither. I have found out I need to buy more DVDs that are funny.
And also, your icon? Is awesome.
Thank you! It's totally my woobie icon, it's used for the hugging times. Majorly.
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Yeah, exactly. When the movie was first being produced I read an article about it, like 3 years ago, and was like, "Gay cowboy moive? How awesome!" and couldn't wait to see it (even after I read the story and figured out that gay cowboys in the 1960s probably wouldn't end well), and now? I just can't do it, the story is just so painful, even though I'm probably the furthest person from these characters and the story. And, coincidentally, I have the same thing with Munich too. Looks really good, have heard good things about it (especially Eric Bana), but I know it'll bum me out and I'm just not in the mood for the right now. So I'm watching Wet Hot American Summer right now and laughing my ass off at it.
Thank you! It's totally my woobie icon, it's used for the hugging times. Majorly.
Mmm. Yeah. I awwww so much at it. Love love love.
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Heard about that, want to see it. Sounds way funny.
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One of the funniest scenes is one that had to be re-shot several months after they had finished filming, when he was already back doing Oz and L&O so the beard he'd had for the movie was gone, and they plaster him with this really god-awful looking fake beard and it's awesomely hilarious. Looks like they shaved a squirrel and stuck it on his face.
I love this movie.
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Now I want to see it even more.
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*sniff, craves more M&L!kids fic in addition to LJ/Veronica sweet bonding*
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Hopefully it will in a while, right now I'm still stucking on crying for my soul. That movie just... hurts. Badly.
*sniff, craves more M&L!kids fic in addition to LJ/Veronica sweet bonding*
I just got my financial aid check for college today so me nd my brother are going shopping in an hour or two. That means I'll be both getting ideas and spending hours on a bus today with nothing to do.
So bringing my notebook and click-pencil! Today's gonna be a good day.
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Eeee :) And have lots of fun shopping you two :)
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Everytime I read "Loot" (especially when capitalized) my mind now automatically goes to
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Ha! Looty McLoot</b
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