[Ficlet] Based On A True Story

[clex_monkie89]

So, chash had a reverse drabble meme and my prompt was I would love some Sam/Dean fic involving Dean actually being Batman.

Sam/Dean, G, crack, 450 words on the dot.

"That movie sucked."

"Dean—"

"Dude, they didn't get anything right!"

"It's a fictional movie, Dean."

"About me!"

"About Batman."

"I am Batman!"

"Scream a little louder, Dean, I'm sure they didn't hear you clear enough at the police station."

"And that's another thing! Why is Henricksen a white guy? And a cop! And what the fuck, why where they in Chicago? He's from fucking Milwaukee!"

"Okay, seriously, you have to calm down. It's just a movie."

"Easy for you to say, you weren't in it!"

"Yeah, exactly. At least you were in it, I don't even exist in their little fake universe."

"It's those fruity little man-panties, Sammy. They make everyone think you're a prepubescent kid."

"Shut up, that was your fault."

"You're a grown man; don't you feel a little ridiculous running around in a pair of frilly green panties?"

"You're a dick who dresses like a giant rodent."

"And who the fuck was that Joker dude? Was that supposed to be that yellow-eyed son of a bitch?"

"I told you clowns were evil."

"They have no respect for the source material."

"Most of the country thinks you're a crazy serial killer."

"Not Henricksen, Henricksen fucking loves me. They should have asked him."

"I think that might be considered a conflict of interest, Dean."

"I don't care! That bitch could've gotten me some royalties."

"Pretty sure Henricksen wouldn't like you calling him a bitch."

"Yeah, well I don't like a bunch of jackasses turning me into a whiny, moping crybaby."

"You do cry a lot, man."

"Fuck you, Sammy, real men cry; only pussies are crybabies."

"Do you not see the irony in whining about the fake you in the fake movie being a crybaby?"

"...Shut up. And I am way hotter than Christian Bale."

"Sure you are, Dean."

"Hey, don't think I won't make your ass sleep in the bathtub, buddy."

"Isn't that your phone ringing?"

"Likely story."

"What does that even mean?"

"It means it's your phone."

"No, it's—oh."

"You know, you really don't have call both of us at the same time. Sam's pretty much always right next to me."

"T'ch, don't worry about that; Dean doesn't shower."

"Hey, Vic, when're you gonna get us one of those giant lights like in the movie? This calling us shit is so low-tech."

"Seriously, just ignore him, what've you got for us?"

"Wisconsin again? What is wrong with your state?"

"We'll be there in about thirteen hours. Uh-huh. Okay, yeah. Yeah. Okay, bye."

"Come on, Sammy. Say it."

"No."

"Come on!"

"No."

"Sammy. Sam. Sammy. Robin."

"Don't even."

"Sammy. Sammy. Sammy. Sammy. Sammy. Sammy. Sammy. Sammy."

"Fine! To the Batmobile, Batman!"