As promised, more coherent thoughts.

[clex_monkie89]

I really love that Dean's first thought when Sam says history is stuff he learned from Schoolhouse Rock. I still have mad love for that. I still remember how a bill becomes a law because of that and I remember playing hide and go seek and yelling out, "Apples, peaches, pears, pie! Whoever's not ready please yell out 'I,'" because of the one that teaches you how to count by fives.

What I loved even more? Was that once Sam started talking about Roanoke and the "Croatoa" carved into the tree Dean remembered. He's not an idiot, this proves it. He just remembers the fun stuff first.

I love the way Sammich reaches for Dean after Nurse Ratched infects him, I know everyone and their cousin has already said it but it's been repeated so much for a reason.

And God, when we come back from commercial and we're tight up on Sam's face? It just kills me. Jared did some fantastic acting in this ep, I'll tell you what.

"I'm gonna say this one time: you make a move on him you'll be dead before you hit the ground, you understand me? Do I make myself clear?" Dean. Your love for your baby brother knows no bounds.

I love so very much how Sam wants Dean to leave. He doesn't want his big brother to die and he doesn't want his big brother to see him die or become one of those. His voice is raspy and small and breaks and it hurts, actually hurts, to hear. And when he slams his cast on the table, when his face changes it's like someone twists the knife in your heart. God, there are actual tears on his face, when he moves his head you can actually see the wetness on his cheeks near his nose and that just... Mm.

Also? Am I right to assume that the part of this ep that had all the fangirls squeeing was when Dean was gonna stay behind to die with His Sammy? Cause, wow. Oh man, that was just... It was painful and beautiful and really proves that Dean can't go on without Sam. His baby brother is all he has left in the whole wide world and he can't go on if Sam's not there.

All Wincest aside even that shows us just how much Dean loves his brother. He lives for Sam alone right now. Fuck saving other people, fuck killing demons, Dean's only reason to exist is to be there for Sam and to keep him safe. I don't doubt for a second that Dean planned on eating his gun when Sammy turned. There's no way he would've been able to kill Sammy, he was gonna kill himself before he had to. Hell, when he pulled out his gun I had a terrified second where I thought he was gonna "do it" (Read: Gun to the head or chin or mouth of such) right then. And then I remembered that this is network TV.

God. The love. I really badly wanna write something in Dean's brain that takes place during that scene where he locks himself in with Sammy.

And Sam crying, oh my God it just breaks my heart! He cries completely different from Dean, he doesn't try to hold back the tears or be "manly," he just lets it go and it looks like he's hurting so badly.

Sam was completely prepared to kill himself. And if it weren't for Dean he would've. Which kinda makes me think.

On a completely superficial note? I have just noticed that Sam and Dean have matching guns and that makes me squee in my heart. Not in the "MOG! IT'S LIKE RINGS!" way but the "MOG! THEY CAN SHOOT EACH OTHER'S GUNS!" way. Because guns are very different and a glock shoots different from a beretta and so on and so on. They have the very exact same type of guns. That means the guns have the same kickback and the same recoil and if one runs out of bullets or gets dropped then Sam can toss Dean his gun or Dean can toss Sam his and no one has to spend any spare seconds remembering how loose or tight to hold your arms to aim right.

If The Demon was responsible for this whole episode and this was all a "test" to see if Sam was immune to the virus then what would've happened if Sam had shot himself? Would he have died? My gut instinct is to say that he would've but... The Demon doesn't want him dead yet; he's got a plan for Sam. And?

So what's your guys' thoughts? Was the first Croatoa something like this; a demon testing another kid of some kind or was the whole Croatoa and Roanoke thing a smokescreen this time around to throw the boys off track? I personally think it was a smokescreen.

Also? mooyoo and jewels667 were saying how they didn't like Sam's high horse. I'm gonna take a stand right here and say I love it.

I love that Sam thinks you have to be emo to stay human in this job, I love that he didn't shoot the kid who ran away, I love that he thinks Andy's a murderer because he killed his brother. I love that Sam thinks Dean would kill an innocent person (Meg and Demon!Boy don't count because he killed the demons in them and there bodies died as a result. Slightly different from killing an unpossessed human).

Why do I love it? Because he's going to break so hard and so beautifully when Kripke shoves him off that fucking horse. And we know he will at some point, because he's Kripke and he loves us and he knows we love it when Our Boys cry.

Kripke,

You're an evil bastard and a whore but I love you like pie. Keep up the good work baby, and we wont let you down.

Your faithful fangirl fanboy slave,

Clex.

Also? GIP. Because I made it a bit back and have been waiting to use it.