May. 30th, 2013

Depression

May. 30th, 2013 12:07 am
clex_monkie89: Close-cropped picture of Sam and Dean Winchester sitting far closer than normal people. (My "People Skills" Are "Rusty")
It's fun, right?

I'm pretty much bipolar. It isn't diagnosed because the job I work at that I hate doesn't give me insurance. I was gonna go to Ma's GP on Tuesday to see about getting on some kind of medication, but didn't go because a combination of not having the money and CJ wanting to talk to me about it first. Which I get, because Ma sometimes gets an idea in her head and gets her Stubborn on, and I know he just wants to make sure that I'm not agreeing to go if I'm good but just hating my job.

And, let me tell you, the amount of hate I have for this job is eclipsed only by the amount of hate I have for the asshole who is my temporary boss. Mine doesn't come back until the beginning of July, and I really don't know if I hope I'm still there then or not.

Ranting about work be under this cut. )

I added a ridiculous amount of words to my Big Bang on May 1st (almost a full 13k) and then have hardly touched it since. I feel so bad for poor [livejournal.com profile] colls, because she has 7k of coherent fic and then nothing. I try, but this entire month has been about 90% downswing and the other 10% so busy I cannot do a thing. And when I'm on a downswing I either just am too numb to care and don't even bother to try to open it, or everything is SO fucking horrible and stupid that I just want to delete it all and start from scratch. Which would be a very bad idea.

In addition to all that, one... Saturday? Friday? My old desktop broke, I moved to one we bought off a guy that was password protected in the core like work computers tend to be, so I couldn't install my work system on it. Then I moved to Ma's new desktop, which would not allow me to the login page for work, and then to Yussie's which is now mine. And then two days later my old work computer completely broke. About an hour after my laptop gave out.

Now, when I say my laptop gave out, what I really mean is it did that thing it would do occasionally where it spends about two hours trying to fix an issue it finds, and says in big, BOLD letters across the screen ATTEMPTING TO REPAIR DISC. DO NOT POWER OFF OR UNPLUG.

So, naturally, Ma turned it off. And it ruined the harddrive to the point where Yussie tried to reinstall Windows on it and it told him to go fuck himself. Now, on the plus side, I had known my desktop was giving out, so I backed it up on my server constantly. I have all my comics, fonts, PS presets, pictures, music, etc. The TV and movies I downloaded are gone, but I have 3.80TCreds on TVT and a ratio of 4.73 on IPT with 3,559 bonus points, so I'm not exactly worried about getting those back, besides just plain remembering what I want.

But my awesome husband [livejournal.com profile] unperfectwolf has been working on her Squee! submission for the last two hours and unwittingly helping me feel better by talking about finding fandom when she was in single digits and [livejournal.com profile] wincon. I genuinely am feeling a little better now, so I'm going to end this novel of a post before that turns again.

I might be super slow to respond to comments, because procrastination is awesome when I downswing.

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